We Like You. Stick around.

Now, The Colonel is known for many things. Not least of which is his uncanny ability to speak to animals. It has been rumored that he lived in the Serengeti with a pride of Lions, where they taught him the ways of the plains. During his brief time with the French Foreign Legion, he was credited with 3,072 kills and 47 assists. He has been known to rip into an antelope to feast on its delicious innards from time to time, but mostly tries not to kill anyone. He is an angry, bitter man.

A graduate of the Oxmore School of Black Magic, Mr. Serpentine only uses his powers for the betterment of society. By “betterment of society” Mr. Serpentine usually means planting his seed in hot women. He has been called “Black Magic Johnny Appleseed” as well as “Homewrecker.” He is an extremely self-satisfied man.

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