Our Minds Take Up Space

October 17th, 2009

Slantmouth Industries, as an organization, likes to see itself as something more than money grubbing corporate raiders that use the sweat and toil of the underprivileged to build an empire. Instead, we like to see ourselves as public servants, providing the common (wo)man with the tools necessary to make it through the day. With that in mind, we would like to proudly present Instant Chewbacca.

Now, based on the name alone, you may be expecting a purchasable product which, when combined with water, would produce an actual living Chewbacca to be your friend, smuggler or lover. Unfortunately, that would cost a fortune and the combination of water and Wookie fur would probably smell terrible.

What we’ve devised is much more useful and practical (unless you are really, really lonely). If you think about it, Instant Chewbacca boils down Chewbacca to his essence: loudly making animal noises. It’s like he’s sitting in the same room as you! For free!

Now that is a service worth clicking on our Google Ads for!

In other space faring creature news, a very special episode of Ultraman: Political Crusader has gone live. Within it’s panels important subjects are tackled, such as Healthcare reform and questionable team building activities involving group sex.

These are the sorts of fine products/services/interrogation methods you have come to expect from Slantmouth and we will continue to provide them, because other than mocking everyone, being bitter, yelling commands at terrified interns, and making total strangers cry, it’s our number one priority. No need to say thank you. We’re just glad we can help.