We Like You. Stick around.

Last week, in the Strait of Hormuz (which is conveniently located on the northern coast of Iran), a group of speed boats from the Iranian Revolutionary Guards Corps (IRGC) “provocatively” approached 3 US Navy vessels nearly sparking World War III and the very holocaust that all those prattling evangelical gits have been praying for so diligently. Unfortunately, the whole thing turned out to be the most hilarious practical joke in the history of the world, executed by none other than the Legendary “Filipino Monkey.” This international prankster tends to favor creating chaos in international shipping lanes and various other side-splitting stunts. Sadly, the Filipino Monkey, not unlike most monkeys, tends to hurl feces at folks at the worst conceivable times.

Don’t call me a turncoat. God knows that if there’s anyone more patriotic than your very own Colonel Moses Blackwell, I’ll eat my hat. It’s a big hat, and it’d be hard to eat. I don’t intend to be eating it anytime soon. But are we, as a nation, losing to win?

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