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Few stories are horrific enough that even the staff at Slantmouth is left with little to say. Unfortunately, after Austrian Josef Friztl imprisoned and raped his own daughter in a soundproof dungeon built in his basement for over twenty-four years, fathering seven of his own grandchildren, well, the permanent taste of vomit in our mouths won’t allow much clear thought. So, instead of the usual commentary and in-depth coverage you have come to expect, the festivities are going to be turned over to Investigator Magstanik, one of the Austrian police assigned to examine the scene of the crime: the handcrafted, underground prison bunker. We present to you his extensive notes from the scene.

Last week, the infamous DC Madam, Deborah Jeane Palfrey, was found dead in Tarpon Springs, Florida at her mother’s home. The cause was thought to be suicide. Just two weeks ago, she was found guilty of running a prostitution ring, during which she had kept a “little black book” connecting many of DC’s most powerful to some high class ladies of the night. Despite the quality of the ladies, our own Julius Serpentine was not found on that list, as he has no need for them.

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