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Violence and disease permeate every corner of the news. The Slantmouth team feels that it’s our responsibility to combat this negativity, which is often a precursor to crushing depression, with an uplifting alternative: Animals. Everyone loves animals. Even Stalin himself loved an adorable kitten or a precocious pup in his time. So, to alleviate the normal drudgery of reading the news- this week, Slantmouth presents the animal news roundup.

Sometimes, things are simply too busy here at Slantmouth to give you all the stories. With all the war, death, violence, and chicken love in the world: who has time to cover the little things, like the Oscars? As important as they may seem, we really couldn’t care less about them. However, in an ongoing effort to bring you what you deserve as a loyal reader of Slantmouth (your membership badges are in the mail, we swear), this week, we give you a grab bag of stories from the wonderful world of miscellany! Pay attention, it could be infotastic!

It’s official. Microsoft cannot stop showering the world with its love. Children are rejoicing in the streets because, after weeks of hype, Microsoft has finally revealed Project Origami.

Mothers, lock up your daughters- bird flu’s on the town. Although the bird flu epidemic seems like it’s been around forever, the recent death of a cat in Germany has stoked the fires of this undying story. In efforts to curb the proliferation of this deadly disease, German officials have ordered that all cats be confined to their homes, and all dogs be leashed when they’re walked.

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